Monday, March 31, 2008
It's over
Had a long session with my clown last night. Don't know if he is the denying or he seriously did not hear I told him I like him. Deep down, I still believe he is denying it. But we had a long chat.... and he will always be my favourite clown. It is really funny though... I can still chat with someone who has rejected me.. It is really kinda rare... Happy to say... I don't have that feeling anymore...yah.. it's over..
Friday, March 28, 2008
What am I doing
It seems like I only run to my blog these days to write about sad times or depressing issues happening. Seriously... happy times... I seem to be getting lesser of it these days. What is really going on with me?!!!?
Talked to my clown today. Finally realised why we never ended up together. Lack of confidence, bring me more unhappiness and blah blah. Seriously, I don't understand why he didn't tell me back then..Yes.. I admit I didn't look at him much that night, because I really like him a lot and I don't know how to react. Ok... here is what really happen.. I like this particular clown because he was there when I needed him most, I felt really comfortable with him and best of all, he makes me laugh. I know I laugh at the simplest things, but that is not really from the heart. He did.. and it meant a lot to me those days.. I vaguely remember I was quite drunk and admitted liking him. The next thing was to see him face to face about it. I was scared and this was my first (and the last) time I told a guy I liked him without knowing what he feels about me. How should a girl react when she was immature and only 18? I really feel like laughing and crying at the same time as I think back. Why did I fall for a fool or why am I so foolish to like a guy so deeply that I lost myself. Till date, I still hold that little feelings for him... however I rather appreciate him more as a friend than anything else. I won't even dare to put that amount of feelings into him again..... The reason I am talking about him now... I sortta quarrelled with him... He is supposed to cheer me up and ended... I feel worse than before.
Friends... what are friends these days... I have lost the definition about it. I don't know what I am doing. I don't know what people think these days. I just don't know anything anymore... This thing that is upsetting me so much may seem very very trivial.... but it meant a lot. I never like to beg.. infact I hate to beg anyone for anything. This particular hotelier whom I thought was a friend... actually find it entertaining to see me beg. How on earth did I end up in such a pathetic state and why am I so dumb to even treat him as a friend?! WHY!? He protected me from my boss... but why must he do that? Am I that entertaining or have I just become his clown?
*Feeling really very bad now*
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Talked to my clown today. Finally realised why we never ended up together. Lack of confidence, bring me more unhappiness and blah blah. Seriously, I don't understand why he didn't tell me back then..Yes.. I admit I didn't look at him much that night, because I really like him a lot and I don't know how to react. Ok... here is what really happen.. I like this particular clown because he was there when I needed him most, I felt really comfortable with him and best of all, he makes me laugh. I know I laugh at the simplest things, but that is not really from the heart. He did.. and it meant a lot to me those days.. I vaguely remember I was quite drunk and admitted liking him. The next thing was to see him face to face about it. I was scared and this was my first (and the last) time I told a guy I liked him without knowing what he feels about me. How should a girl react when she was immature and only 18? I really feel like laughing and crying at the same time as I think back. Why did I fall for a fool or why am I so foolish to like a guy so deeply that I lost myself. Till date, I still hold that little feelings for him... however I rather appreciate him more as a friend than anything else. I won't even dare to put that amount of feelings into him again..... The reason I am talking about him now... I sortta quarrelled with him... He is supposed to cheer me up and ended... I feel worse than before.
Friends... what are friends these days... I have lost the definition about it. I don't know what I am doing. I don't know what people think these days. I just don't know anything anymore... This thing that is upsetting me so much may seem very very trivial.... but it meant a lot. I never like to beg.. infact I hate to beg anyone for anything. This particular hotelier whom I thought was a friend... actually find it entertaining to see me beg. How on earth did I end up in such a pathetic state and why am I so dumb to even treat him as a friend?! WHY!? He protected me from my boss... but why must he do that? Am I that entertaining or have I just become his clown?
*Feeling really very bad now*