I am a Heartless Biatch

GOsh... bad news always come one after another. Had our monthly meetings and got the biggest shock of my life. The boss set a mission impossible for my project. Seriously... I thought the inital target was impossble but if campaigns run well... we might still be able to attain that goal. But today... the final figures was out... he wanted 4 times of what we have. Totally impossible. I guess there goes my bonus for this year! Wondering how long will I stay there

Toss and turn the whole night. Everything just all came crumbling into my night time. Practically woke up every 30 mins or less due to nightmares. What did I dream... all the 25 years of negatives stuffs I went through. In short.. it is shit!

Feeling really fucked up right now. Know what... I have a fucked up dad.. Never knew I would say it, but it is truth. Yes.. he might not be the kinda dad that do.. well illegal stuff.. but he ain't the world best dad. Know what.. I been tolerating for MANY MANY YEARS. I better start saving up my M and move out. I need to move out!!!

He is never understanding... and well resort to violence.. What is new.. I have no idea. I thought I never said this.. but I am ashamed that I have a father like that. When things don't go smooth, violence starts rolling. And he fucking thinks that he is right when well hell IS WRONG!!!! Never wants to work or find a job because the world is stressful? COME ON!!! Everyone is stressful and since when can a job be entertaining or relaxing! The world has fucking changed!

God... I never thought I would say this.. but I just wish he is gone.. Gone for good and I will never shed a tear! Wondering how long I can put up with this before I let other people to run this.

Finally met up with an old friend after like a year... Haha. Well not my fault... is hers!!! She is Miss Super Busy... am I right Miss Nelly? LoL. Anyway... it was a nice evening with lots of gossips and the days of ... Europe.... For me... is about missing everything in general.. for her... let's just say it's Ethane Hawk.. Muahahahahha. Must admit... that guy is really cute... Don't mind ONS. Ahahahahah. Just joking...

Back to reality.. I am currently still the most underpaid among my friends... How long can I last.. No clue...

I NEED A TIME OUT AND I WANNA GO BACK TO EUROPE!!!!!!

Seriously... I really don't know what is going on and what the hells is wrong with.... everything... I am starting to lose my direction in doing almost anything, or should I say I am totally clueless about everything....

Where should I start with... yah.. let me begin my miserable life with my job. I have been working in a huge organisation for ... if not mistaken... should be 8 months. Well.. in the beginning... I thought I would not mind.. but now.. I do... The pay is really pathetic.. I think among those who graduate around the same time as me... gets.. well.. more than me. I am seriously lacking way behind.. I get paid more when I was working with uncle. It has become an issue for me especially I kinda feel restless and I don't feel the motivation... I do not know how long I am able to sustain... Besides the Vitamin M issue... this job has become... kinda.. dead and I see lots of unreasonable Singaporeans or bitches. Probably I am not a really deskbound person. Yes.. some of you gonna nag.. saying it is definitely better than my previous job.. but.. I really dunno... I have not been so lost as now...

Life has not been smooth sailing these days. Well no clue what happened between them.. but things don't seem good. And I sortta blurted out something nasty too. If he is eating on the table.. I am not eating.. Mean right.. Sortta should hold back my temper... I can be a fucking bitch at times.

Despite all the unhappiness or crappy feelings... something good did happen a few days ago.. Mum dragged me out the other day... and sortta told me she wanna sponser my entire university school fees. I almost... burst out crying. It was really really nice of her especially it was her hard-earned money.

I really need a break....