I am a Heartless Biatch

I just read an article on authors suing each other, "The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail" vs "The Da Vinci Code". Seriously, I am curious. Can't authors have the same views on certain issues? Okay, let me change the scenario slightly. If "The Da Vinci Code" did not make it to the market, would the authors of "The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail" still sue Dan Brown? Sometimes I just feel that jealously and trying to take some advantage out of situation play a big part in everything. I do not even see other authors (I am referring to the authors who wrote books on certain grounds bear some similarities of "The Da Vinci Code" and appeared on the documentary on "Da Vinci Code") suing Dan Brown. Human jealously, I believe the authors are simply jealous on the success of Dan Brown. Come on... GET ALIVE!

Riots has been going in France. I didn't know they have laws that safeguard youngsters from being fired. To me, the new laws.. seems pretty reasonable. Ok.. I am just stating my point of view. I mean if you are incompetent, it is only fair that the company asks you to leave. It seems unfair for companies to hold back employees that are incapable just because the law states so. Well on the other hand, employers will make use of this opportunity to fire as and when they feel like it.

Been working in this company for quite some time. Seriously.. I do not feel any job security. This actually happen when the director told me they couldn't confirm my status. How positive can I feel after such a speech? I am beginning to lose my confidence and feel that I am just a piece of junk. Have look into other job vacanies around, found one.. but missed the dateline. Dammit! Incase no one knows, I have the passion for music and events planning. So far... I simply have no luck in any of this position. Well... probably due to the fact that my english sucks... Haiz....

This suddenly just got to my mind.. so I am just penning it down. When we broke up.. I begin to question myself in everything. For everyone's information, I am suffering from ugly duckling syndrome. I am a person who do not believe anyone will fall for me.. cos I am the ugly duckling. It seems absurd but given any opportunity to work in France... I do want to go. HOWEVER... I do not wish to see him again. To me.. seeing someone whom I used to ... I might go back to the same state as before. I know I am dumb...but that's me. My ego will not allow me to return.. but a huge part of emotions will just drop back. It is just like... a few weeks back... out of nowhere... I dreamt of A (NOT ASH) and the funny part... we were back together. It is like.. this could never happen because of many factors (same applies to ash). Just that it really cause my emotions to stir up and I was practically stoning most of the time after the dream. I do not know what will happen if I see any of them again.

I practically have no energy to do anything. Just feel insecure about everything now. Been in this mood ever since many things happen. Bad stuff never seems to come only once, it is an on-going thing. From work to personal, from life to death.

Unable to smile anymore