I am a Heartless Biatch

I am always thinking. Weirdest, bizarre and unlogical ideas or thoughts will just come popping right into my mind. This time round.. well... school. Do I have the drive to keep on studying. The thing is.. I have not started school but I have paid some part of the school fees. This is the thing... I need to have at least 40k in order to finish this fucking degree. And judging from what I earn.. it means forgoing a lot of stuffs. Things such as shopping, enjoying certain luxury at times, and most important... TRAVELLING. I mean I love to travel and I do travel at least once a year... Now... I can't. Just can't. I am wondering if I can do without it. It is the only time I am relax and it has sortta become my life. Put it in another way, 40k. It is quite a huge sum of money. Car, downpayment of a small unit.. well lots of things can be done with 40k. I am wondering... can I?

I have gotten over. But part of me feels.. stupid. Stupidity seems to rule over my life ever since I went Germany. I hate to admit it but it has been a fact. I mean how dumb can I ever get. It is like impossible so why try. I lost something precious in the process which makes me feel even worse.

:~~~~~(


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