Saturday, April 30, 2005
I need to be drunk
I am determined to get drunk tonight. It is like my world is crashing down on me.. Why must things come crushing down when I am alone in Germany. I miss the feeling of just seeing my parents.. I just knew that problems will be ok whenever I see them (even though problems are not solved... I knew they would be there for me). I miss my dad the most. I never knew how nice he could be until I am in Germany. I guess I was stupid when I was so rebellious back home. But I am glad that I woke up from this stupidity of mine.
To say I never love him.... I am lying. I guess I had fallen in love. Still our problems are not solved. Although I said it all and he read most of them... the issue is not solved. He is right... I am always thinking about only myself. Guess that independent and the ego in me is preventing me from saying things to him. I don't know how to change... but I do still want this relationship... I mean... it is hard to come by someone i fancy. God... what the hell am I thinking?
I just needed to be drunk!
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To say I never love him.... I am lying. I guess I had fallen in love. Still our problems are not solved. Although I said it all and he read most of them... the issue is not solved. He is right... I am always thinking about only myself. Guess that independent and the ego in me is preventing me from saying things to him. I don't know how to change... but I do still want this relationship... I mean... it is hard to come by someone i fancy. God... what the hell am I thinking?
I just needed to be drunk!
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