Thursday, March 24, 2005
Still Lost
STUPID BLOG. Press the wrong key and my fucking blog was gone and I had to rewrite. It is so different when you rewrite, the feeling ain't there!
It will be another 2 months or so before going back to Singapore and another 37 days before my birthday. I am counting each and everyday as it passes by.
Today was presentation day. Everyone in the class is supposed to present a country which they know little of. Maybe I am over-sensitive, but today definitely ain't my day. Was shocked about the Germans. I mean they know little of the country but to judge them based on such little facts, I cannot help but to feel angry. I know I do not belong to all those countries or are they in any relationship with me, it just doesn't seem right to judge it this way. I can feel the hostility from everyone in the class. Maybe not all yet... (I must emphasize on the word YET), but most of them. I can still recall some of the words said. "If I am given 1 million dollar, I would definitely not learn another language such as Mandarin" To you guys it may seem normal, and yes Mandarin is difficult to master, but why quote this? I mean it is like telling a Chinese I hate Chinese. (Yes you guys gonna say I am sensitive, but I just can't help it).
L came back to me telling me how nice Germans are. Probably it has been instilled in me. I practically cannot accept the Germans in my class. YES I KNOW I AM NOT OPEN-MINDED, YES I KNOW I AM HOSTILE! I mean it is not that I don't wish to know them better.. it is just 4 words. I have given up. To try and to try, it is sickening. Maybe I have this attitude in me, if it cannot do me any good, I cannot be bothered. I tried talking to the girls in my class, but their respond I get... is simply dreadful.
To make matter worse, I sortta like ask pinky to buzz off and have not talked to her since a few days back. I know it ain't really her fault but i just cannot be bothered now. I am already so stressed up myself, that ... at times i really wished that I am still the mean heartless biatch and the one who don't care about consequence.
I really don't know, I have no clue what to do next. I am simply lost. I AM AT THE EDGE OF FALLING OFF!!! CAN SOMEONE JUST FUCKING KILL ME NOW OR MUST I DO IT MYSELF?
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It will be another 2 months or so before going back to Singapore and another 37 days before my birthday. I am counting each and everyday as it passes by.
Today was presentation day. Everyone in the class is supposed to present a country which they know little of. Maybe I am over-sensitive, but today definitely ain't my day. Was shocked about the Germans. I mean they know little of the country but to judge them based on such little facts, I cannot help but to feel angry. I know I do not belong to all those countries or are they in any relationship with me, it just doesn't seem right to judge it this way. I can feel the hostility from everyone in the class. Maybe not all yet... (I must emphasize on the word YET), but most of them. I can still recall some of the words said. "If I am given 1 million dollar, I would definitely not learn another language such as Mandarin" To you guys it may seem normal, and yes Mandarin is difficult to master, but why quote this? I mean it is like telling a Chinese I hate Chinese. (Yes you guys gonna say I am sensitive, but I just can't help it).
L came back to me telling me how nice Germans are. Probably it has been instilled in me. I practically cannot accept the Germans in my class. YES I KNOW I AM NOT OPEN-MINDED, YES I KNOW I AM HOSTILE! I mean it is not that I don't wish to know them better.. it is just 4 words. I have given up. To try and to try, it is sickening. Maybe I have this attitude in me, if it cannot do me any good, I cannot be bothered. I tried talking to the girls in my class, but their respond I get... is simply dreadful.
To make matter worse, I sortta like ask pinky to buzz off and have not talked to her since a few days back. I know it ain't really her fault but i just cannot be bothered now. I am already so stressed up myself, that ... at times i really wished that I am still the mean heartless biatch and the one who don't care about consequence.
I really don't know, I have no clue what to do next. I am simply lost. I AM AT THE EDGE OF FALLING OFF!!! CAN SOMEONE JUST FUCKING KILL ME NOW OR MUST I DO IT MYSELF?
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