I am a Heartless Biatch

I really want to move out of this place. God... you guys can never imagine how filthy it can be.. I have photographs of this screwed up place (You guys must be think I am nuts and I thought myself too. To ever think I wanna take pictures of this filthy pig sty) I have always been messy. My parents always complain about me not cleaning but never will they imagine the mother fuckers here are... much much much horrid. They never clean up... the table are always left with crumps of biscuits or bread... the dishes are still stained even though they insist on washing up. The baking tin still lies with the bread crumb and now... it is totally toast and difficult to remove. GOODNESS GRACIOUS! What the fuck am i doing here??

Cried to my dad finally...not really the first time.. it was the second time.. I just bawled... He was shocked to hear that I actually crumble down. Normally, when I have problems... I will just swallow it up or try to forget about it. It has been long since dad asked me to stop crying and be strong. It is really comforting to hear from them. I could hear my mum sobbing with me. Dad offered to come and visit me. Sweet... I think it will be in March as it is during school holidays and he will have more free time.

Oh yah... it is really sweet. One of my classmate wanted to send me ba gua. I seriously deprived of food and it is really really very sweet of her wanting to deliver to me. GUYS!!!!!!! YOU ALL SO CLOSE TO ME... and NONE... i mean NONE OF U EVER MENTION MISSING ME OR SENDING ME FOOD!!! Utterly disappointed... oh yah.... RANK!!!!! MY PSP!!! PSP!!!! I want that for my birthday! Ha!!

I still recall the first day I went NYP. I was in total silence and nothing could start me talking. It is the same thing happening now in Germany. Words don't just flow out of my mouth and practically I am shut to myself.

It all begins after knowing people deeper. Sometimes I wonder if it is a good idea to know someone so detailed or should friendship be paused at a stage whereby there is only 'Hi' and 'Bye'. It has been pondering at the back of my mind.... Let me reintroduce those main leads.

L - He has been getting on my nerves ever since I got to know him a bit better. God... now then I realised... being bullied ain't funny. You guys should know... I am always the one bullying everyone.. now I got the taste of it. Ain't nice.. I got picked on and hit on my head almost everyday. Being teased for being Singaporean too. (I am not so patriotic but there is a limit to what people can just say). The straw finally came down when I shouted at him. He never talk to me anymore, which can be quite a good sign. Oh I almost forgot.. he has a problem with the authority yet he does not voice out. I mean what is the use of complaining behind their back. I almost landed up in deep shit because of him as well. AHHHHH!!!!!

V - Stands for vaginal. Muahahaha... Someone created that for me. I mean it is rude to call someone this way. But do you think I care. Ha! Typically a selfish fucking bitch. I am sorry to say but this description suits her really perfectly. Apparently she has a physical appearance of... Olive or Jughead's Lover in Archie... or... the sister of Notting Hill. She likes to backstab people and simply a pain in the butt. God... I hate seeing her.

D - HUM JI! Talk big but cannot deliver anything. (oh I have been crying for god ever since I came here). Typically hum ji and pervertic fellow.

Everyone in the class - Got a bitch who told me off the other day. I didn't know chairs are being taken especially they are not being LABELLED. FUCK! The rest were .... simply introverts.

I am crossing my fingers for everything now.

It is Valentine's day.. The day I usually dread. Everyone has their partners and me... all alone. Been like... 5 years or more since I last celebrated..

I have finally coloured and cut my hair. I miss being in Singapore. Everytime when I am angry or stressed, I can go ahead to cut and colour without having to think too much. Here... one haircut is 35 euros! Gosh! Been too pressurized and too pissed off and I finally had it done on Saturday! Brown and Blonde... but my hair cut sucks big time. They cut it really short... so I find it a bit weird.

Guess what... you can make good friends by just going for a haircut. Made some vietnamese friends and they are the nicest people in Germany I come across so far. They treated us like their own family. I just mention about liking to eat vietnamese food and I got it the very next day. Gosh... It really warms my heart in this cold heartless winter. They also invited me to join them for a heidelburg trip this coming saturday. Can hardly wait!

Been depressed since yesterday. I realised I forgot to wish my mum a happy birthday. I know she is definitely very upset with me... I hated it when I forget to bring my mobile out. Sigh...

Oh yah... need to thank one of my friend. Hey rank, thanks

I am totally lost. It seems like I am trapped and the claustrophobic effects is starting to hit on me. I am not physically trapped… just emotionally. Tears fell today when I was talking to my dad. I can still recall the days whereby I dislike everything and locking myself at home. Now... I simply misses everyone. My dad, my mum, my brother and my friends. I never learnt to appreciate them until now. This is really a training session for me. Probably it is the culture and their upbringing of the family. Everyone is really selfish and it is a matter of whether you survive or not. Let me start by introducing the crew of people

Virginia – Spanish Girl. My impression that I had on my mind before I met her was exotic, gorgeous, friendly and selfless (not those Buddha’s selfless act, but just not selfish). The reality is… that she is the exact opposite of what I had imagined. A selfish bitch. Gosh… you guys can never imagine what she is like. It is living hell just staying in this apartment with her.

Daniel - Singaporean Guy. He is a selfish jerk who is 'tan xiao pian yi'. Also, he doesn't bathe and washes his clothes. Apparently, he says that in the winter, nobody bathes everyday. Gosh!

Laurent - French Guy. He looks like the transporter guy (the show whereby Shu Qi is acting). Ok.. only the head, not the body. Nice to chat... so different from Greg.

You guys can never imagine what it is like living with them...

Serious to say... any call from Singapore can make me super happy. To hear from someone who cares is very heart warming...

Sobz....

Miserable, miserable, miserable. I am living in a place whereby everyone is so selfish. God... I really feel like crying now!