I am a Heartless Biatch

Been really long since I last went out with your mum. Didn't like the idea of going out with parents because... of certain issues. Finally, i agreed going out with her. Had a wonderful time. We went to the temple together and I actually qiu qian for the second time. Was a very good qian. Was very happy about it. Went around shopping for her stuffs. Found some childhood toys and she actually wanted to buy for me. Really sweet. Didn't regret going out with her.

He replied me to me in icq. Didn't talk much. Definitely feeling is gone.. so are the words. I am finding hard to talk these days. Want to be quiet these days... however my surroundings don't really permit it...

Quietness is the feeling i want most now.

Part of me seem to be consumed by jealously. But then, my mind always take control and probably i will be alrite in a short while. Still there are some issues that yet to be settled. Me and ll will never talk again.. i suppose i ain't gonna talk to her. Don't know why.. but once disappointment comes to me.. i will naturally give up on that fellow and not talk to him/her again. My mind will be filled with " talk about what since I cannot be bothered with your life anymore". Wonder should I attend the yoga lesson with her. Might not attend it at all as I dun wanna make myself uncomfy.

Guess what. I wrote an email to him. Ha.. Not that I want him or like him or anything like that. HEY I FINALLY GOTTEN OVER (guess it was over a long time ago and i didn't realise). Although I keep mentioning abt love of him in this blog.. but i guess it is part of my imagination that I still want him. But.. HELL NO.. Gotten over him. HEE! What a wonderful feeling.

Within 3 days, many things could happen. Friends and family.. Sometimes I really wonder if I can just chuck them aside. Think I should return to my old self whereby I don't really talk at all. Till this point of time, I seriously want to post a question to everyone. How much do you guys know me? The truth hurts but I can jolly answer that none actually knows me except for ash. Yes, probably I always tell ash my stuffs and one more thing I must add. He cares for the person whom I really am. And yes, I seldom reveal my true self, but how many people can actually accept who I really am? This is one question I dare challenge everyone.

Lost.. Really lost...

Many things had happened for a couple of months. Actually you could say years, just that I have been keeping my mouth shut and swallowing everything. Really did want to resolve the whole situation AGAIN, but it will all goes back to square one. Two words to summarise everything now.. GAVE UP. Been escaping home for couple of days. Finally went home today. Things did not actually get better. But it sure was better escaping to my second home and staying out with my friends. I never felt better than that.

Knew two of my friends better. One called E and the other.. oh well will just keep quiet about her name. E... AH BENG SIAH!!! But.. he really can drive. Oh boy, I miss the speeding ever since he left. Was thinking of him when e was driving.. Sheaded a few tears. Oh man... talking about him. Very beng. He has a long history of being real ah beng. Not the typical kind that acts, but a real one. A bit horrified to hear about his story, but did get to know him better. Really sweet chap. Reminds me a lot of him.. Nah... so far... don't think so, but they do.. have similarities... Ok about this girl.. know her quite long but never that deep. Kaoz.. she can be a real biatch lor. Fuck. Was really pissed about something she said. "I almost quarrelled with you during project. I am such a nice person.. and to ever think I almost quarrelled with you." FUCK IT. Knnbpcb! It was her fault lor... she was the one at fault and yet she pushed everything to me!!! Yes I know, I am a difficult person and yes I can be really stubborn at times. BUT FUCK IT. That time... she was always out playing when I am slogging my head off. Finally I blew it. Didn't pick up any calls and never talk after that. And that is not final. SHE WAS FUCKING LATE FOR THE PRESENTATION!!! As a result, points were deducted for my project. Fucking Biatch... still push that bloody blame to me. Fuck, she always think she is damn fucking good and understand people and cb... I really have no words to describe her. She is a real FUCKING BIATCH!

Oh yah.. forgot to mention... I DYED MY HAIR AGAIN.. Look like a punk siah. Red and black.

I miss the feeling of love and being loved. When will I ever feel it again?

2 days has passed and still I am down with that god damn fucking flu. Ears stuck, nose stuck and down with menses as well. WHAT CAN BE WORSE WITH THAT? Sigh.. when is this illness be over.. It is really really darn long and I cannot work properly.

Had a massive row with my parents. As if I wanted to fall sick.. How would I know I would be down with flu. As if I called god to send me an illness like that. When my brother is sick, they would care so much; for me... I get loads and shits of yelling from them. It is really fucking sickening. Really really want to run away and hide somewhere I don't see them at all. At times I really wonder if they ever care about the financial status that the family is falling. Really feel like screaming out loud to them to wake up their senses.

Yippe! Finally one of the people that I dislike is finally leaving. Cannot wait for it to get out. Don't wanna define the sex because it belongs to nowhere. Actually one the guys who is leaving.. I kinda feel pity for him. It seems like he never actually make friends around here. Backstabber.. perhaps... Hopefully he doesn't end up such shit state when he gets out of here.

Planning an overseas trip with my friends. Have not really decided where to head to.. Which part of malaysia would be fun?? KL? Penang? Desaru? Tioman? Melaka? Really looking forward to this trip.