I am a Heartless Biatch

Tired? Have not been sleeping well. Really look like one huge panda. My eye rings were super dark and I was practically stoned. My mind was blank and practically keep laughing. Usual symptoms, think I will need the cigarettes soon again.

Weather has been hot and to make matter worse. I have long hair. Regret taking up the bet but then I don't wish to lose. Ahhhhh~!!!!!! Was at starhub training, I guess many people think I am mad. Keep laughing and I was thinking to myself, what the hell am I doing there? I really wish that there were more choices in life... but too bad SHIT HAPPENS! And my results are out soon. Wonder if I can pass. If I do... then people, please listen... I GONNA HAVE PURPLE HAIR!! Got an impulse to change my hair totally.

Was reading an email and found a familiar name. Got a shock but then it was not him. Have not been talking to him.. sort of missed him but yet I am determined to forget. Contradicting huh.. But it is something I have to do or I can never move on.

I need a break, I am really tired

Really need a job. Lack of Capital. Found a night job, but then still require a day job. Tought finding one especially when the economy is so bad. Hopefully can get that borders job.

Been busying designing banners for the Club Crawl. Just no inspirations. Came up with 6 posters and none of them I am satisfied with. Just don't wanna care liao. Submit to them and most of my work is done. Still need to think of gifts and competition. (*Grinz*, Nokia and Sony are sponspering us. Wonder if can get really good stuff for myself)

At least today my mood is slightly better off. However things are left dangling there, not a good sign. If I can never get it solved, perhaps won't be in a happy mood.

Hate pretending. I have to be joyful and laughing infront of people when I am so down. Wonder when I can just be myself?

Check this out. FUCK YOU

Didn't slept today. Was tossing and turning. Couldn't help but thinking of the problems that occurred. Really felt powerless. Couldn't do much, not really within my means, however still need to decide on certain things so as improve the situation. Yearn to have someone I could talk to. But none is around. Almost took up smoking and alcohol last night to drown everything. Didn't.. ended siting by the window and staring blankly.

Went to school. Need to come up with designs for an event. I am actually doing the publicity, but it seems.. I have no inspirations at all. I need to retouch my adobe photoshop skills again. Have not really been messing with it since TP days, wonder if I am still up to it. Actually, felt out of place.. probably I never felt a sense of belonging in the first place. Should I call it quits? or should I continue? Funny to say, I love organising events and activities, love contributing ideas but I never felt the sense of belonging in there. Maybe I should finish this event first and decide later.

Lost my soul.. Can someone please retrieve it for me?

Recurring Dream. Actually nightmare. Something which I fear a lot. Is about my family. In it, my mum was being abused and I clearly remember holding on a plank and hitting the person who abused her. Is that a wake up call that certain things gonna happen in my life? I remembered every single detail of the dream and the best part, I was dead before I woke up. Life is such a mess. I look back what has happened in the past few years. I realised that actually... I have not really really been happy? As previously mentioned, past should be past. One should look ahead. But how many of us has actually done that? I always tell myself to forget the unhappiness but everytime certain shit happen.. I cannot help but recall everything. One very good example is me dropping out of TP. I blame a lot on myself. It was one grave mistake! Luckily I am blessed into having a second chance. As one of my friend mentioned before, Shit Happens, Life goes on.

Actually today has been a bad day for me. Certain things happen. Got a big shock. Might need to make certain decisions and changes in my life again. Really wanted to cry and wished that idiot actually was by my side. However got to face the reality, he is out of my life. Tough... Cos he was the only one so far I felt like crying to.

Received a call yesterday.. one of my ex-classmate is getting married. Happy for her. Wonder if I would actually have mine. Sigh....

Oh yah. Changed the layout and added the comments section. Sorry Nelly, stole your idea. Too lazy to learn asp for the comments section

What is the time... I seem to have lost track of it... Was channel surfing (tv). Saw that buffy was back. But not as good as I anticipated. But someone still remains the same. Spike! Don't know.. Seem to have a craze over bad boys and I seem to have weird taste in guys. That is what most people say. A good example is that idiot I am trying hard to forget. Anyway, was comparing Buffy with Charmed. It seems that Charmed is better. MUCH better infact. Had downloaded most of the series. Can't wait till Series 6.

Oh yah, new series coming on Ch 5. Chemistry.. actually didn't quite attract me until I saw the lead guy. *Droolz* My type. Ahahhaa. Know this kinda will not even get a glance of me, but still he is on the tv to watch. :P

Don't really understand why I am still in Student Union. Can you all believe.. STUDENT UNION. ME! In there!

Been messing around with graphics. But just no inspiration. Dissatisfied with all of what I done. Sigh... These days have been a drag. Felt out of place. Why must people always bring back the past? Ain't that suppose to be buried ( I mean those sad ones ). Very tired.. very very tired...

Money, money, money.... the root of all evil. Well but what I can say is.. I need it. Everyone needs it. Who can deny that. Was thinking about work ettics. If someone offer a high-paid job, but doing something you dislike. Would you do it? For me.. I would despite how much I hated it. Don't get me wrong ... I am not referring to sex or something similar to it. I am referring to something like if you hate like being a lab, and you are being offered a job there, those sort. (hmm... maybe should start a forum for you guys to answer )

Sigh...

Started off bad and ended off fucking bad. Firstly, my "aunt" has visited. Those who know me well enuff, when she comes to visit, my mood is never good. To make matters worse, my handphone has been flooded with SMS since morning. By the way, I DO NOT SLEEP EARLY, DEFINATELY, I WILL NOT WAKE UP AT 8+ FOR NO REASON! SO FOR SOME INSENSIBLE MORONS, PLEASE WAKE UP YOUR IDEAS AND NOT SMS ME SO FUCKING EARLY! To make matter worse, those msg me are out of nowhere. Never talk in years and bombarded me? Well, do you think I owe you?! Please wake up! Nevertheless, my parents has not failed to irritate the shit out of me. PLEASE!!! EVERYONE!!! GIVE ME A BREAK!!!

By the way, has no idea what the fuck has happened to me fucking yahoo account!

Ahahhaa. Had the funniest dream of my life this morning. Dreamt of a Hong Kong Star and I knew him as in person. Still cannot get over it and ended luffing when I woke up. Funny dream but i shall try to remember it forever. Hopefully all of my dreams are such fun and I can remember it when I wake up.

Watch Enemy of the State. Was actually feeling weird. 3rd time I have watched it but I never seem comfortable with it. The idea of privacy being intruded... doesn't appeal to me. I mean who likes their privacy intruded. But do you know, our conversation are mostly tabbed in this world. Just that none of us realised. Had this experience about 2-3 years ago. It was not fun. Simply sympathsize with Will Smith on the show.

Gonna change my layout soon. (When I feel like it.. )

FINALLY!!! After going through such torments for a week, my exams are FINALLY OVER!! YIPPE!!!! Got a weird birthday present today. Perfume Pen. Really unique. Thanks Jes.

I still keep having dreams. Not a good sign. If only these dreams don't come, maybe I will forget things easier. Netherless, I will still continue to try to forget.

Finally... My dreadful days are almost over. Never felt so stressed in my life before. Econs can really drive me crazy and I almost did. Even called a fren up in 2 a.m. Almost burst out screaming. Luckily never did. FOR PEOPLE WHO DO NOT KNOW, YOU CAN GO CRAZY JUST STUDYING!!!! (This message is especially for parents.)

Was angry again. But never actually flare up to anyone but food. Had a wonderful meal with my friend. Owe her so much, at least I manage to treat her back today. Hee! So pai seh you know when your friend always treat you because you are PK. Must work...

Sigh.... had my marketing test... think I will kanna sup paper... Well, kinda deserve it though.. Actually.. I did study all the topics.. just that I forgot the headings? and remember only the points? What the fuck rite... Pointless to grumble though.. The worst is not over.. I STILL HAVE MY ECONS! Sigh... Exams Exams Exams.. A process that I dreads. Found this strip.. will I end up like sherman?

Got a thought.. if friends around me are really friends. Sometimes this question keeps occuring in my head. Not that I wanna complain, what is really the true meaning of friends?

That bloody idiot has resurrected. Just cannot stand his cockiness. Finally love might turn to hate.

My exams are starting tommorrow. Luckily is Accounts.. if Econs or Marketing... I will be in deep shit. Was really very furious today and one of my friend was actually shocked by my anger. I must actually say... my temper as compared.. has not improved over the number of year. Probably explains why I am still single? Sigh... Not gonna about that.. Must finish my exams first as for now.. For those having exams.. ALL THE BEST!!!

Still trying hard.

Dunno what the hell has happened... realised and discovered many things today. Firstly, my accounting... actually suxz! My god... I am really very careless... And the biggest thing is, I am supposed to finished my porfolio by tonight and yet I have not done anything yet? The worst part is I actually went to play pool (My skill sucks!). Me playing pool... is a big thing, I don't play pool. Cannot understand myself for doing that. But I did have a great luff there. Thanks GBB dear and lesley!

My big day has past.. he never called. Think I shouldn't be hoping for much. Think it is really time to move on, but the rejected feeling still exists. Don't really know why I like him so much. - Time to move on -. And Miss Hilda, panda has feelings too and it is trying hard to forget the male panda.

New Day = New Start. Didn't know what the hell had just happened but just got a rush to start my own new webby. Probably thanks to Nellz, Jay and not forgetting Pingo. Seen their webby and felt that I should have my own too. Well there you go. New to it, so hope those who are reading and first time seeing it, give me your comments. Hey Pingo, sorry, stole quite a lot of your ideas for the webby. Hope you don't mind. :P

Oh yah, post my Happy Cab webby to another place. Think I better add other of my portfolio in too. Never actually did it for any company or get cash out of it... mostly project.

Miss him very much, as if he knows that. Been trying hard to forget a lot of things but still they are stuck to my brains. My time seems to have stopped at that very night. Wished I had did something else instead.